OT: A little bedtime story from me

[roccit_53 at scirocco.cs.uoguelph.ca (C Boyko)]

Yeah, I'm WAY overdue for one. Tonight's story is called "I <heart> working
on my New Beetle".

Yeah, so I've been putting off doing a simple oil change all weekend, and
this is usually a sign that things will go wrong. To put our story into
perspective, I've done 240 000kms worth of oil changes on this car over the
eight years I've had it, and I'm pretty familiar with the process by now,
never had a problem. So I have this cool 1/4" aluminum skid plate on it, to
replace the pathetic plastic belly pan, and I've been driving over all
manner of slush, ice and raccoons with no concern, I'm loving that thing.
It's held to the car by five 17mm bolts, the two in front are anchored to
the frame by aluminum billet cylinders so they clear the AC lines and such,
and the rear three are anchored directly into the frame by these neat
factory fasteners called rivnuts. They also anchor the tops of the aluminum
cylinders. Rivnuts are like rivets, they crush into place and leave a
threaded hole.
SO on to our story. I lift the heavy pig into the air, being sure to
properly support her since she tried to kill me once, and proceed to remove
the bolts. The first one does not come out, rivnut just spins. Insert your
first child unfriendly expression here <...> Second, third and fourth, no
problem,  they come off like normal. By now the offending rivnut has
dropped right down so it's free of the frame, it was the one of the five
that really was questionable when I installed them, it never seated quite
right. Number five bolt spins out a few mm, then just spins. It's into the
frame for life here, with the plate attached to it. Insert a really big and
long string of the most foul expletives you can come up with here <....>.
Yeah, this is all for AN OIL CHANGE.......But our heroine continues on,
undaunted. Will the Fucking oil plug come out? Not a hope in hell, of
course, because the plate is in the way, I have like a two degree angle to
swing the wrench, that probably has something to do with it. Add to the
pleasure damp cold, and lots of salt and slush under the car. Even the cat
knew enough to stay away from this job.
So it's finally out there draining, and I'll bolt up what I can and hobble
it into work where I should be able to talk my way onto a hoist to install
some new rivnuts. But holy pain in the ass factor. So I'll patch it back
together, hit the tub and I have a nice selection of Quebec beer to help me
unwind for the evening. At least what little I did towards Scirocco
goodness went a bit better. But two out of three in the back, what the
hell? Oh, I suppose I also <heart> salt, it's probably the main offender.
Later, oil to replace, sludge to roll in.
cathy