OT: Holiday Rules

[chris.p.bennett at navy.mil (Bennett, Christopher P ET1 MARMC 1230B)]

Ahem... #4 No comment.  



1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday  buffet table 
   knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see  carrots, leave
   immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt
   scotch,it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't 
   find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has
   10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into 
   an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later 
   than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. 
   Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it 
   with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or 
   whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic 
   transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your 
   eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. 
   Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's.  
   You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long 
   naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and 
   that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted 
   Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. 
   Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of 
   shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if  
   you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three.  When else do you 
   get to have more than one dessert?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory 
   celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or 
    get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, 
    January is just around the corner.


   Remember this motto to live by:

    Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
    arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to 
    skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, beer in the other, body thoroughly used
    up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!? "..


Merry Christmas!!!