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[Fwd: memories]

Oil change instructions.  Received this from a buddy tonight, had to
share...

----

Dave,  Memories.  This is why I send the wife to my buddy at Perfect
Lube.  
Your up late........ST


Subject: Changing Oil

Women:
1.      Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the
last
oil change.
2.      Drink a cup of coffee.
3.      15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
maintained
vehicle.


Men:
1.      Go to AUTO SUPPLY CENTER,  RWC CA and write a check for 50
dollars 
for oil,
filter, oil lift (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner and scented tree.
2.      Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking
back
to Firestone Tire for recycle, dump in hole in back yard. (That's a
No-No)
3.      Open a beer and drink it.
4.      Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5.      Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6.      In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7.      Place drain pan under engine.
8.      Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9.      Give up and use crescent wrench.
10.    Unscrew drain plug.
11.     Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on
12.     Clean up.
13.     Have another beer while oil is draining.
14.     Look for oil filter wrench.
15.     Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips screwdriver and twist it
off.
16.     Beer.
17.     Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change
tomorrow.
18.     Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19.     Throw oil lift (AKA kitty litter) on oil spilled during step 18.
20.     Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21.     Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22.     Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean
oil
to gasket first.
23.     Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24.     Remember drain plug from step 11.
25.     Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26.     Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil
drains onto floor.
27.     Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
28.     Bang head on floor board in reaction.
29.     Begin cussing fit.
30.     Throw wrench.
31.     Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss
December(1992) in the left boob.
32.     Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
33.     Beer.
34.     Beer.
35.     Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
36.     Beer.
37.     Lower car from jack stands
38.     Accidentally crush one of the jack stands
39.     Move car back to apply more oil lift (AKA kitty litter) to fresh
oil
spilled during step 23.
40.     Drive car =BD quart low for 7000 miles when it'll be time for
another oil change.


-kc-

Dave,  Memories.  This is why I send the wife to my buddy at Perfect Lube.  
Your up late........ST


Subject: Changing Oil

Women:
1.      Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last
oil change.
2.      Drink a cup of coffee.
3.      15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained
vehicle.


Men:
1.      Go to AUTO SUPPLY CENTER,  RWC CA and write a check for 50 dollars 
for oil,
filter, oil lift (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner and scented tree.
2.      Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking back
to Firestone Tire for recycle, dump in hole in back yard. (That's a No-No)
3.      Open a beer and drink it.
4.      Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5.      Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6.      In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7.      Place drain pan under engine.
8.      Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9.      Give up and use crescent wrench.
10.    Unscrew drain plug.
11.     Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on
12.     Clean up.
13.     Have another beer while oil is draining.
14.     Look for oil filter wrench.
15.     Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips screwdriver and twist it off.
16.     Beer.
17.     Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18.     Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19.     Throw oil lift (AKA kitty litter) on oil spilled during step 18.
20.     Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21.     Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22.     Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil
to gasket first.
23.     Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24.     Remember drain plug from step 11.
25.     Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26.     Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil
drains onto floor.
27.     Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
28.     Bang head on floor board in reaction.
29.     Begin cussing fit.
30.     Throw wrench.
31.     Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss
December(1992) in the left boob.
32.     Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
33.     Beer.
34.     Beer.
35.     Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
36.     Beer.
37.     Lower car from jack stands
38.     Accidentally crush one of the jack stands
39.     Move car back to apply more oil lift (AKA kitty litter) to fresh oil
spilled during step 23.
40.     Drive car =BD quart low for 7000 miles when it'll be time for
another oil change.