Monday Giggles

[Brian Honnold <bhonnold@pac-cap.com>]

Maybe we saw these before but it sure brightened up my monday.
Drill Press - a tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat 
metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and 
flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that 
freshly-painted part you were drying.
Electric Hand Drill - Normally used for spinning steel pop rivets in their 
holes until you die of old age.
E-Z Out Bolt and Stud Extractor - a tool that snaps off in bolt holes and 
is ten times harder than any known drill bit.
Mechanic's Knife - Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard 
cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes 
containing seats and motorcycle jackets.
Oxyacetylene Torch - Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable 
objects in your garage.
Pliers - Used to round off bolt heads.
Timing Light - A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease build-up.
Aviation Metal Snips - See Hacksaw.
Hacksaw - One of a family of tools built on the Ouija Board principle. It 
transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more 
you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
Battery Electrolyte Tester - A handy tool for transferring sulphuric acid 
from a car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that 
your battery is as dead as a doornail, just as you thought.
Two Ton Hydraulic Engine Hoist - A handy tool for testing the tensile 
strength of earth straps and brake lines that you have forgotten to 
disconnect.


Brian Honnold
'78 Rocco Ragtop
'99 Passat GLX




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