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List rules? from a newbie.
Hi all,
I am new to the list, I have been following this List Rules topic today. I
think it is kinda nice ot see that most of you dont think much of the rule
followers. Thats cool. Hey I got a joke you will like for sure. I am on
several jokes of the day lists, so hopefully i can forward several on to you
through out the weeks. here goes. ( i thought of this one becaue all the rules
that guy tried to suggest were kinda like this)
Please use these helpful Halloween night hints this and every year.
1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER
check to see if it's really dead.
2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a
joke.
3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has
gone out.
4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other
language which they should not know, shoot them immediately.
It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it
will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be
prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody
else's voice.
5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off or
go alone.
6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals
to Hell.
7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt.
This would apply to any other house of the dead as well.
8. If you're searching for something which caused a loud
noise and find out that it's just the cat, GET OUT NOW!
9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check
for short circuits; just get out.
10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.
11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's
probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.
12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're
sure you know what you're doing.
13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or
fall down at least twice, more if you are female. Also note
that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster
is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to
catch up with you.
14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit
uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for
blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill
them immediately.
15. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of
which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania,
Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one),
anywhere in Texas where chainsaws are sold, the Bermuda
Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road,
do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for
help. If you think that it is strange you ran out of gas
because you thought you had most of a tank, shoot
yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most
likely be eaten.
17. Beware of strangers bearing tools. For example:
chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving
knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering
irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased
companions.
18. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery,
now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This also
applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad
or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or
had inhabitants who performed satanic practices.
19. Dress appropriately. When investigating a noise
downstairs in an old house, women should not wear a flimsy
negligee. And carry a flashlight, not a candle.
20. Do not mention the names of demons around open flames,
as these can flare suddenly. Be especially careful of
fireplaces in this regard.
22. Do not go looking for witches in the Maryland
countryside.
HOPE YOU HAD A SAFE AND HAPPY HALLOWE'EN!!
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