a forward you might relate with.... (fwd)

[joan <joan@hooked.net>]

I work at the front desk of an ISP. One of our support technicians sent this
out yesterday. I thought you'd all get a kick out of it.
Joan
>>From ratspike@hooked.net Wed Nov 20 20:11:49 1996
>Date: Wed, 20 Nov 1996 20:11:57 -0800 (PST)
>From: Brian Shea <ratspike@hooked.net>
>To: staffers@wenet.net
>Subject: a forward you might relate with.... (fwd)
>
>
>This is too funny for me to keep to myself.  I got this from a girl I 
>knew at college.  She gives phone support for the campus internet 
>service, which means that she is bored at her desk most of the time.  
>They haven't entered the realm of PPP connectivity yet, so most of the 
>students are still seeing the Internet as text only.
>
>Anyhow, check this out...
>
>Brian Shea
>
>---------- Forwarded message ----------
>Date: Tue, 19 Nov 1996 15:45:39 -0800 (PST)
>From: Andrea Krueger <andreak@scs.unr.edu>
>To: brian shea <ratspike@wenet.net>
>Subject: a forward you might relate with....
>
>
>everything swinging as usual? i get curious. this is a little forward you
>may have seen before, i don't usually send them around, but this one
>corralates to our jobs well. write me, fool.
>
>andrea
>
>
>> >Subject: Help Me....I've Crashed!     . . . If People Bought Cars The 
>> > Same Way They Bought Computers. . .   General Motors doesn't have a 
>> > "help line" for people who don't know how   to drive, because people 
>> > don't buy cars the way they buy computers --but   imagine if they did...
>
>> >    HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"     
>> > CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!" 
>> >     HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition and turn it?"     
>> > CUSTOMER: "What's an ignition?"
>> >    HELPLINE: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your 
>> > battery and   turns over the engine."
>> >    CUSTOMER: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to 
>> > know all of these technical terms just to use my car?"     
>> > ***********************************************************     
>> > HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"     CUSTOMER: 
>> > "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"     
>> > HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?"     CUSTOMER: "Huh? How do I know?"
>> >    HELPLINE: "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a 
>> > needle, and   markings from 'E' to 'F'.  Where is the needle pointing?"
>> >    CUSTOMER: "I see an 'E' but no 'F'."     HELPLINE: "You see the 'E' 
>> > and just to the right is the 'F'.     CUSTOMER: "No, just to the right 
>> > of the first 'E' is a 'V'.     HELPLINE: "A 'V'?!?"
>> >    CUSTOMER: "Yeah, there's a 'C', an 'H', the first 'E', then a 'V', 
>> > followed   by 'R', 'O', 'L' ..."
>> >    HELPLINE: "No, no, no sir! That's the front of the car. When you 
>> > sit   behind   the steering wheel, that's the panel I'm talking 
>> > about."     CUSTOMER: "That steering wheel thingy-- Is that the round 
>> > thing that honks     the horn?"
>> >    HELPLINE: "Yes, among other things."     CUSTOMER: "The needle's 
>> > pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?"     HELPLINE: "It means that 
>> > you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase   some more gasoline. 
>> >  You can install it yourself, or pay the vendor to   install it for you."
>> >    CUSTOMER: "What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that 
>> > I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with 
>> > everything built in!"
>> >    ***********************************************************   
>> > HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
>> >    CUSTOMER: "Your cars suck!"
>> >    HELPLINE: "What's wrong?"
>> >    CUSTOMER: "It crashed, that's what went wrong!"     HELPLINE: "What 
>> > were you doing?"     CUSTOMER: "I wanted to go faster, so I pushed the 
>> > accelerator pedal all the way to    the floor. It worked for a while, 
>> > and then it crashed -- and now it won't even start up!"  
>> >  HELPLINE: "I'm sorry, sir, but it's your responsibility if you misuse 
>> > the product."
>> >    CUSTOMER: "Misuse it? I was just following this damned manual of 
>> > yours. It     said to make the car go to put the transmission in 'D' 
>> > and press the accelerator pedal.
>> >  That's exactly what I did --now the damn thing's crashed."     
>> > HELPLINE: "Did you read the entire operator's manual before operating 
>> > the   car sir?"
>> >    CUSTOMER: "What? Of course I did! I told you I did EVERYTHING the 
>> > manual   said and it didn't work!"
>> >    HELPLINE: "Didn't you attempt to slow down so you wouldn't crash?"  
>> >    CUSTOMER: "How do you do THAT?"
>> >    HELPLINE: "You said you read the entire manual, sir. It's on page 
>> > 14. The   pedal next to the accelerator."
>> >    CUSTOMER: "Well, I don't have all day to sit around and read this 
>> > manual   you know."
>> >    HELPLINE: "Of course not. What do you expect us to do about it?"    
>> >  CUSTOMER: "I want you to send me one of the latest versions that goes 
>> > fast     and won't crash anymore!"
>> >    ***********************************************************     
>> > HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"     CUSTOMER: 
>> > "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it     
>> > has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power 
>> > brakes,   and power door locks."
>> >    HELPLINE: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"     
>> > CUSTOMER: "How do I work it?"
>> >    HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"     CUSTOMER: "Do I know how 
>> > to what?"     HELPLINE: "Do you know how to DRIVE?"     CUSTOMER: "I'm 
>> > not a technical person! I just want to go places in my   car!"
>
>
>
>
>

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